This has been a season where everything surprises me.
I am not working in a library, but I’m still happy. And, blessedly, doing exactly what I set out to do when I headed off to grad school: disseminate information AND make information available for the people who need it.
My least favorite thing: asking people for help. What I’ve been doing the past three weeks: asking people for help. The past few months have pretty much been me nestled in my comfort zone, waiting for my real life to begin (Colin Hay, anyone?). Change has always stretched me in ways that I usually hate, and I still couldn’t tell you I love new things, but my answer to everything lately has been YES. Isn’t there a Tina Fey quote about that? Something like “say yes, and figure it out later.” That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. It’s hard. There have been tears. I’ve asked a million questions about a million things and probably peeved at least a dozen people, but it’s a time for learning and meeting and DOING.
Life is about relationships. Coming out of college, I ate up the mantra about all the successes that you will IMMEDIATELY RECEIVE upon graduation. I’d love to have a successful career, but the interesting little tidbit they leave out in the commencement ceremony is that economic success usually takes time. Being good to people doesn’t have to. While I still feel a little behind the curve in being successful in a new job, I’ve been reaching out more. Joining things. Making an effort to travel to friends or make a phone call where before I would have feared rejection. Also, I feel infinitely more fulfilled through the interactions with people I have than the tasks I check off throughout the day.
And speaking of relationships, have I mentioned that DMac and I have been together for six years? This one doesn’t surprise me. What is surprising, though, is how much has changed…and how much hasn’t. He is exactly the same person I stood next to at a Led Zeppelin cover band concert forever ago, except with a head full of legal knowledge and better suits. I can’t stress enough how badly I need someone to round out my rough edges, to talk me down from stressful situations that aren’t nearly as stressful as I make them, to make good times even better.
God has been tempering hard lessons for me with immeasurable grace. I never could have imagined myself here, walking that fine line between being completely content and being completely overwhelmed. But if I had to choose between this season of life vs. the season of waiting I just emerged from, I would choose life, every time.